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Santa, My Dad
03:37
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Hey, Santa. What do I gotta do to get you to believe in me the way that they believe in you? I know that I can brave the wind and snow; I could fly the reindeer all over the god damn world. When you retire, someone's gotta put on the red suit, pack up the sack, and strap up the black boots. I'll check the list, I'll check it twice, I check that motherfucker every single night. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen. I want to be the next Santa. Sure, there's my brother: he smiles ear to ear, he's got a round belly, and a big white beard. But honestly, dad, would it be so bad if the next Santa wasn't so god damn fat? When you retire, someone's gotta put on the red suit, pack up the sack, and strap up the black boots. I'll check the list, I'll check it twice, I check that motherfucker every single night. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen. I know, it's been a rough couple of years. I flunked out of school and caused a lot of tears. I did a lot drugs. I did a lot of things I know brought shame to the North Pole. But dad, don't you know I'd turn my life around if you let me take this sleigh off the ground. I understand your reservations: I was never one to live up to expectations. When you retire, someone's gotta put on the red suit, pack up the sack, and strap up the black boots. I'll check the list, I'll check it twice, I check that motherfucker every single night. I want to be the next Santa.
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Dharma's Initiative Portland, Maine
Portland, ME
"To rip off Edgar Allen Poe I'll quoth your roommate, 'Nevermore.'"
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