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Forget to Wave

by Dharma's Initiative

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1.
Bones Jones 04:23
Did you call me just brag? I don't care how strong you think you are. My interested are selfish in nature and I've got a feeling you feel the same. Don't tell me I'm wrong. I know who you are. You and I are a lot alike; unable to tell when it's gone too far. And now I can feel my head bobbing under the water, coming back up less and less. I'd rather drown in front of you than float on the raft that you threw at me. I'd rather deprive you of the satisfaction of saving a life. I'd rather drown in front of you than give you the satisfaction of saving me from a storm. Did you call me just to cry? Shut up. You're so weak, and so am I. My best interest is selfish in nature and I've got a feeling that you know why. Don't tell me that I fucked up. You know what this was. You are I are much the same. It's an arms race to place the blame.
2.
I've got no reason to reason with you. No matter how well articulated my train of thought is, it will never leave the station. You are so thick-skulled. And I am so fucking stubborn. We're so quick to hide behind the thing that keeps us safe every time. I've got so many thoughts in my head that reach out of me in bed. They shake you awake to ask you one more time, "Are you okay?" You are so thick-skulled. And I am so fucking stubborn. We're so quick to hide behind the thing that keeps us safe every time.
3.
I fail to see the romanticism in my struggle. All I see is the struggle and it's kicking the shit out of me. I'm sleeping on the ground. You're trying not to make a sound. I've been held up in this apartment for weeks. I've been too busy hiding to notice the snow falling in the streets. I step outside for air. Try to avoid the neighbor shoveling his stairs. It's easy to get lost when it's snowing. There are no tracks in front of me to show me where I am going. And I don't know. There are no tracks behind me to which way is home. I've been losing heat from my limbs. I could've swore I heard someone whistling my grandfather's favorite him. Don't tell him that I don't believe that death is a sweet reprieve. It's easy to get lost when it's snowing. There are no tracks in front of me to show me where I am going. And I don't know. There are no tracks behind me to which way is home. It's easy to get lost when it's snowing. I don't know where I'm going but I know that it's cold.
4.
I don't like being called a liar because I believe in every thing I say. I know you don't. I know you don't believe that I believe in you and you're projecting that on me. That's not fair. I know that I am not the reason that your chest is a black hole; that you'd rather stay in bed instead of drowning in the snow. I wish that I could give you anything at all, but you're a frozen patch of water in the shadow of a tree in the late fall. I don't like dreaming I'm on fire, though fire's exactly what you need. Find some other inspiration. I'm nothing of the like. I don't want to be the friend you write about.
5.
Put my hand through the coffee table. You stare and I walk out. I walk away like I was never there at all. I can feel the fire on your breath. I feel the disappointment beating from your chest. I feel the vacuum; I feel the space of the nothingness that you have to say. Put my coffee down, stand up, and put my fist straight through the coffee table. I stand up and I walk out. Get in my car and drive too fast. It's not to crash, I just had the in-between. If I wrap it around the guardrails, know that you had nothing to do with me. I just wanted to be a saint. Put my hand through the coffee table. You stare and I walk out. I shut the door because I need something in between. I'm not an angry person. You're not as dark as I thought. But finding that was just as hard as any answer ever sought. Now I can't tell if I got stronger or just shed dead weight. I never looked back to see. Put my hand through the coffee table. You stare and I walk out. I shut the door because I need something in between.
6.
Broken branches line the streets. Snow-choked roads force a welcome respite upon my week. The N'easter cut PA in half, preventing me from seeing your last shades of blue before this Halloween goes black. Over the phone you told me a story that I didn't pay attention to you. I tried to make you believe I had the same opinion as you. We were a snow storm; beautifully crippling; quick to sputter out. What is one to do when all those close to you have got you figured out? "I would bury the hatchet but the ground is frozen. Or at least it appears to be beneath the spot you've chosen to make a last stand." I can't stop speaking to you in cliches... "I swear to whatever that there's a combination of words or a Wonder Years lyric that we both know that I could use to make you feel better." Instead, I'm choking on my own words in this Halloween snow.
7.
I am half-alive tonight. But you think that I'll be okay. I just need a glass of water. You say you never left home without me. I was always on your mind. You'd better brush up on your prepositions because there's a big difference between "on your mind" or "in your heart" or "stuck straight through your rib cage." Baby, I'm just a thorn in your foot; a knot in your throat; the punchline at the end of the joke. Some times I think that I should've gone to Rutgers. As if I would've done anything differently in Jersey as compared to what I did in Pennsylvania. At least maybe I wouldn't have to explain this to anyone sitting next to me when I'm drunk at a bar. Or anyone unlucky enough to be stuck with me in a car on a long trip; probably going somewhere I don't want to go because I don't want to go anywhere anymore. I just wanna lay in a pile of leaves drinking Yuengling Oktoberfest, really excited about the way I'm dressed. I'm wearing my Penn State crew neck sweatshirt and a green pair of chinos and that t-shirt you bought me the first time we went to Zeno's. I just wanna lay in a pile of leaves drinking Yuengling Oktoberfest. Some times I think that I wish it was fall all the time. But then I remind myself for the leaves to change they have to be green in the first place. And I think that says a lot about you and I. You are the summer. But the fall will show my true colors and shed my leaves, allowing me to start from scratch. I'll be lying in a pile of leaves drinking Yuengling Oktoberfest, really excited about the way I'm dressed. I'm wearing my Penn State crew neck sweatshirt and a green pair of chinos and that t-shirt you bought me the last time we went to Zeno's. I'm so sick of saying I wish I could go "back then."

credits

released October 17, 2016

Guitars, bass, drums, synthesizer, and glockenspiel by Nick.
Trumpet by Davey.
Saxophones by Alex.

Songs written by Nick.

Recorded and all other things by Nick in his attic in Harrisburg, PA.

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Dharma's Initiative Portland, Maine

Portland, ME

"To rip off Edgar Allen Poe I'll quoth your roommate, 'Nevermore.'"

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